Well, its been ages since I last posted here. Lots of things have changed, mainly as a result of my lack of motivation and in-built tendency for 'self sabotage.'
A quick update...
About two months ago now, I decided to come off of my VLCD that I was following. After posting my before and after pics, I hit a bit of a wall. My motivation plummeted, I fell off the wagon diet-wise and couldn't seem to get back on. I had excuses at the time, but now I'm not really sure why it happened, its all a bit foggy. In my heart, though, I know that if I really wanted to still be on that diet then I would be. Now I am avoiding the scales and seem to have slipped back into 'comfort eating mode', detaching myself from my body and my weight. It feels a bit shit, to be honest! I had put myself into a position where I was putting pressure on myself (and imagining pressure from other people) and my reaction to that pressure was to run and hide behind denial and food.
I don't want to be here feeling like this. It will become an endless cycle of feeling rubbish for not being able to stick to something, so comfort eating to make myself feel better or to blot out the bad feelings, which just creates more shame and feeling rubbish, which causes me to comfort eat etc. etc. etc.
In the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to come up with a 'healthy eating plan' that will help me loose weight over a longer period of time. I seem to manage a day or two before I'm back to my old tricks. I don't really know what to do.
I know I want to loose weight. I don't like what I see in the mirror and I hate the way clothes cling to bulges etc. I don't feel confident, I just want to hide. I don't want to be skinny though, just smaller than I am now. I would like to loose about another 3 stone which should take me down to about a size 16. I'd be happy with that. But for whatever reason I can't seem to get back in the zone.
I keep thinking about this phrase that I come across a lot: "If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got." Or something like that. It's very true, I feel. Right now, I am eating the way I ate to reach the weight I was at my biggest. This has got to change, however that seems to be easy to say, harder to do...
I didn't mean for this to be quite so ranty, but it feels good to get it out of my head. Loosing weight, eating and food seem to be all I think about at the moment, and it sucks. I need to get past these negative feelings and find a more positive way forward. Hopefully I'll have something a bit more positive to write about sometime soon xxx
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Friday, 15 April 2011
3 Months Later...
So I've not posted for a little while, but I thought you might like to see my newest photos. Its been roughly 3 months since I started Lighter Life, and I've lost 40lbs so far!! I am overwhelmed but very very pleased. Until I saw these pictures the other evening, I really didn't feel like I had lost that much weight and struggled to notice much difference in my body. I hope you'll agree when you see these pics that actually there is a big difference in my body and that loosing the weight is the best decision I've ever made! Only another 80lbs to go now !!
Sah xxx
Sah xxx
Thursday, 3 March 2011
Self-sabotage: Part One
I googled self-sabotage before writing this post, to see what was out there on this topic. As I imagined, there were a lot of websites promising to share their secrets and tricks with you - for a small fee of course ;)
At first this made me feel a bit frustrated. Self-sabotage is something I am struggling with at the moment, and that I know has caused me problems in the past. I don't seem to be able to shake myself free of the negative thoughts that go round in my head, and the subconcious put-downs I seem to constantly carry around with me.
I've been to counselling, I've read so many books, I know the theory. Think positive thoughts, keep focussed, I am worthy person etc... The trouble is that I don't believe them or seem to be able to make them stick in my head.
And the fact that so many people seem willing to charge you so that you can be let in on the big secret makes me feel that actually they probably don't have the answers at all. But also, that I can't be the only one looking for the answer! When I realised that, I felt relieved and not quite so useless. I'm not the only person who is secretly telling themselves that they don't deserve happiness or to succeed.
But how can I/we start to change that internal monologue and believe in something more positive? Right now, I still don't know! But just realising that I'm not the only one and that I'm not as crazy as I thought makes me feel a bit better. Its also why this post is just Part One. I want to explore this further and try to counter-balance my self sabotaging behaviour with something new. I want to maximise my chances of reaching my weight-loss goal and (importantly) maintaining it - something that I will only manage if I can stop my innerthoughts sabotaging what I'm trying to achieve. I can't guarantee that any of this will work for you, or that whatever I try is something you should try too. But it might be interesting, it might be reassuring, it might be motivating, it might make you feel like you're not alone either.
I'd love to know your thoughts, as ever your comments are welcome and appreciated and I read them all x
At first this made me feel a bit frustrated. Self-sabotage is something I am struggling with at the moment, and that I know has caused me problems in the past. I don't seem to be able to shake myself free of the negative thoughts that go round in my head, and the subconcious put-downs I seem to constantly carry around with me.
I've been to counselling, I've read so many books, I know the theory. Think positive thoughts, keep focussed, I am worthy person etc... The trouble is that I don't believe them or seem to be able to make them stick in my head.
And the fact that so many people seem willing to charge you so that you can be let in on the big secret makes me feel that actually they probably don't have the answers at all. But also, that I can't be the only one looking for the answer! When I realised that, I felt relieved and not quite so useless. I'm not the only person who is secretly telling themselves that they don't deserve happiness or to succeed.
But how can I/we start to change that internal monologue and believe in something more positive? Right now, I still don't know! But just realising that I'm not the only one and that I'm not as crazy as I thought makes me feel a bit better. Its also why this post is just Part One. I want to explore this further and try to counter-balance my self sabotaging behaviour with something new. I want to maximise my chances of reaching my weight-loss goal and (importantly) maintaining it - something that I will only manage if I can stop my innerthoughts sabotaging what I'm trying to achieve. I can't guarantee that any of this will work for you, or that whatever I try is something you should try too. But it might be interesting, it might be reassuring, it might be motivating, it might make you feel like you're not alone either.
I'd love to know your thoughts, as ever your comments are welcome and appreciated and I read them all x
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Quick Wednesday Weigh-In
This is just a really, really quick update on how my weight loss is going. Tonight I was weighed and this week have lost 2 lbs, which takes my total weight loss up to 30 lbs!! :D So chuffed! I have lots of other stuff to talk about and some ideas for different posts, and I promise I will write some more soon. I plan to give myself some chill out time just to blog and reflect on everything over the next week or so. Speak to you soon x
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Wednesday Weigh-In
Well I never got round to posting about my weigh-in last week, mainly because it was a rubbish one (only 0.8lb). But thankfully this week I have better news to report! :D I've managed to stay on track and when I was weighed this evening discovered I've lost 9.2lbs this week !!!
Its more than would be expected, as my body has gone back into ketosis and that is always going to boost your weight loss, however it is making me feel much more positive and motivated. Next week will probably be a smaller loss, but I'm prepared for that and as long as it is a loss then the scales are going in the right direction!
Photo via Flickr
Weight lost this week: 9.2lbs
Weight lost so far: 21.8lbs
Weight still to loose: 98lbs
Its more than would be expected, as my body has gone back into ketosis and that is always going to boost your weight loss, however it is making me feel much more positive and motivated. Next week will probably be a smaller loss, but I'm prepared for that and as long as it is a loss then the scales are going in the right direction!
Photo via FlickrWeight lost this week: 9.2lbs
Weight lost so far: 21.8lbs
Weight still to loose: 98lbs
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Nice things to do that aren't food............ ?!
So last week I had a great weight loss after my 1st week of the new diet. I started off week 2 full of best intentions and thinking that this week was going to be a doddle... However since yesterday I've been really struggling!
I had a lapse on Monday, as I got up late, didn't have breakfast, was rushing around and disorganised all day, didn't drink enough water and didn't plan ahead. The result of this was I gave in to temptation when someone I was working with went to a maccy D's... I have been feeling rubbish ever since and keep finding excuses not to get 'back on the wagon.' It hasn't helped that I've spent lots of time sitting about the flat waiting for the plumber to come and fix our boiler (6 days later he finally has!!) One of the things I've realised is I really struggle with the whole 'boredom eating' thing, and to try and tackle this I think I need to come up with a list of nice things I can do instead of eat. Here's what I've come up with so far, feel free to add your own in the comments!
1. Have a bath or shower
With candles and bubbles and nice music and a fluffy towel :)
2. Make stuff!
I have so many unused craft materials and partly started projects lying around, so no excuse not to be making more things, either for me or presents for other people.
3. Finish making my zine
I started making a zine..... I can't even remember when it was exactly, some time in the summer I think. And its been sitting since then in a sad pile of scribbley papers. So when I find my mind wandering to thoughts of food, this would be an ideal thing to do instead.
4. Do some decluttering in the flat
We have sooo much random stuff lying around... in cupboards, in boxes, hidden under the bed etc. etc. and so it should be easy to spend some time decluttering a part of the flat and making it look all tidy and clean :)
5. Watch something interesting
I often find myself putting on fluff TV that I don't really watch and that just provides background noise. This very often leads to boredom snacking. So when I feel the temptation to snack, instead I will put on a nice, educational, interesting documentary or something similar that I can get sucked in to and learn something in the process.
6. Listen to podcasts
Similar to number 5, listening to some of the many awesome podcasts I like (such as Answer Me This, Shift Run Stop or Robin and Josie's Utter Shambles) will provide me with a more productive way to spend my time, rather than thinking about food.
7. Listen to music
I have loads of music on my laptop and last.fm that I really should listen to, plus a list of bands that I've been meaning to find out more about for ages.
8. Pamper my feet
Nail varnish, soaks in hot water with essential oils, nice smelly mosturiser, massages = lovely!
9. Learn maths
For a while now I have wanted to learn how to do more than just add up or subtract numbers. I used to know a lot more mathematical stuff but since I gave up Maths in high school I have forgotten it all. I honestly see this as a good and fun thing to do :D
10. Learn sciencey stuff
Same as number 9 :D
11. Visit a charity shop or thrift store
One of my favourite things to do, but I hardly ever get the time to do it.
12. Write a letter to someone
I used to love sending and receiving letters, but its something that I very rarely do any more. I have a few friends who I know love receiving 'proper post' so I'm going to make an effort to do this more, especially when I'm thinking about food too much.
13. Finish doing my PIF swap stuff!
I ran a Pay It Forward swap thing on my facebook page and have 5 people I need to make something lovely for. I need to try and get this done ASAP and not forget about it!
14. Have a nice cup of tea
Now that one of the very few drinks I can have is black tea, making and drinking a nice cup of tea is something I can do that is relaxing and lets me make use of my collection of pretty vintage tea cups :)
15. Read
I really don't read enough, and have loads of books that I keep meaning to read. But for some reason I read the same few books over and over. A better use of my time would be to get through the piles of books that have been sat gathering dust!
16. Write a song
I always feel envious of people who are musically creative and have written music. Its a skill I do have, but find it very difficult. I would love to be able to play something I have written myself
17. Send a postcard on Postcrossing
I have three postcards I need to send, and have the best of intentions to send more. But I never seem to get round to it.
18. Take the recycling out
I always have piles of random 'recycling stuff' lying about, either papers or bottles or clothes etc. etc. When I start feeling my thoughts going to food and eating, taking it all down to the recycling bins would be a good way to take my mind off it AND earn me brownie points for de-cluttering the flat :)
19. Practice playing the ukulele
I have been teaching myself the uke since September, and love playing it. Now I just need to get better, and get over my fear of playing infront of other people!
20. Read through my diet plan literature
Everything else I've suggested above is a way to distract me from negative thinking and use my time more productively or positively. This one, however, will force me to acknowledge some of my thoughts around food and why I'm doing this whole weight loss thing, as well as learn some new techniques for how to change these thoughts. If I am to succeed, I need to think differently.
Wow, so theres 20 different things to do when I find my mind wandering off into the fridge... I really have no excuse now! There is plenty of stuff I could or should be doing, and by actually doing it I will end up feeling better - about me, about the flat, about life in general.
What things would you add to this list?
I had a lapse on Monday, as I got up late, didn't have breakfast, was rushing around and disorganised all day, didn't drink enough water and didn't plan ahead. The result of this was I gave in to temptation when someone I was working with went to a maccy D's... I have been feeling rubbish ever since and keep finding excuses not to get 'back on the wagon.' It hasn't helped that I've spent lots of time sitting about the flat waiting for the plumber to come and fix our boiler (6 days later he finally has!!) One of the things I've realised is I really struggle with the whole 'boredom eating' thing, and to try and tackle this I think I need to come up with a list of nice things I can do instead of eat. Here's what I've come up with so far, feel free to add your own in the comments!
1. Have a bath or shower
With candles and bubbles and nice music and a fluffy towel :)
2. Make stuff!
I have so many unused craft materials and partly started projects lying around, so no excuse not to be making more things, either for me or presents for other people.
3. Finish making my zine
I started making a zine..... I can't even remember when it was exactly, some time in the summer I think. And its been sitting since then in a sad pile of scribbley papers. So when I find my mind wandering to thoughts of food, this would be an ideal thing to do instead.
4. Do some decluttering in the flat
We have sooo much random stuff lying around... in cupboards, in boxes, hidden under the bed etc. etc. and so it should be easy to spend some time decluttering a part of the flat and making it look all tidy and clean :)
5. Watch something interesting
I often find myself putting on fluff TV that I don't really watch and that just provides background noise. This very often leads to boredom snacking. So when I feel the temptation to snack, instead I will put on a nice, educational, interesting documentary or something similar that I can get sucked in to and learn something in the process.
6. Listen to podcasts
Similar to number 5, listening to some of the many awesome podcasts I like (such as Answer Me This, Shift Run Stop or Robin and Josie's Utter Shambles) will provide me with a more productive way to spend my time, rather than thinking about food.
7. Listen to music
I have loads of music on my laptop and last.fm that I really should listen to, plus a list of bands that I've been meaning to find out more about for ages.
8. Pamper my feet
Nail varnish, soaks in hot water with essential oils, nice smelly mosturiser, massages = lovely!
9. Learn maths
For a while now I have wanted to learn how to do more than just add up or subtract numbers. I used to know a lot more mathematical stuff but since I gave up Maths in high school I have forgotten it all. I honestly see this as a good and fun thing to do :D
10. Learn sciencey stuff
Same as number 9 :D
11. Visit a charity shop or thrift store
One of my favourite things to do, but I hardly ever get the time to do it.
12. Write a letter to someone
I used to love sending and receiving letters, but its something that I very rarely do any more. I have a few friends who I know love receiving 'proper post' so I'm going to make an effort to do this more, especially when I'm thinking about food too much.
13. Finish doing my PIF swap stuff!
I ran a Pay It Forward swap thing on my facebook page and have 5 people I need to make something lovely for. I need to try and get this done ASAP and not forget about it!
14. Have a nice cup of tea
Now that one of the very few drinks I can have is black tea, making and drinking a nice cup of tea is something I can do that is relaxing and lets me make use of my collection of pretty vintage tea cups :)
15. Read
I really don't read enough, and have loads of books that I keep meaning to read. But for some reason I read the same few books over and over. A better use of my time would be to get through the piles of books that have been sat gathering dust!
16. Write a song
I always feel envious of people who are musically creative and have written music. Its a skill I do have, but find it very difficult. I would love to be able to play something I have written myself
17. Send a postcard on Postcrossing
I have three postcards I need to send, and have the best of intentions to send more. But I never seem to get round to it.
18. Take the recycling out
I always have piles of random 'recycling stuff' lying about, either papers or bottles or clothes etc. etc. When I start feeling my thoughts going to food and eating, taking it all down to the recycling bins would be a good way to take my mind off it AND earn me brownie points for de-cluttering the flat :)
19. Practice playing the ukulele
I have been teaching myself the uke since September, and love playing it. Now I just need to get better, and get over my fear of playing infront of other people!
20. Read through my diet plan literature
Everything else I've suggested above is a way to distract me from negative thinking and use my time more productively or positively. This one, however, will force me to acknowledge some of my thoughts around food and why I'm doing this whole weight loss thing, as well as learn some new techniques for how to change these thoughts. If I am to succeed, I need to think differently.
Wow, so theres 20 different things to do when I find my mind wandering off into the fridge... I really have no excuse now! There is plenty of stuff I could or should be doing, and by actually doing it I will end up feeling better - about me, about the flat, about life in general.
What things would you add to this list?
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Week 1 Weigh In - Yaaaayy!!!!
Well, it's been a tough week. I've had two wee moments of weakness that I'm not ready to talk about just but that I will later. I was really worried how they would effect me being in ketosis, and also how they would effect the amount of weight I'd loose this week. But luckily, I have good news :)
My total weight loss this week was 11.8lbs !!!! :D I am so chuffed with myself for managing this, and it makes me even more determined to stick rigidly to the plan this week and avoid the mini-lapses I had this week. Woohoo, excited!! I would love to be able to say this time next week that I've broken the one stone barrier... we shall see!
The photo isn't me by the way, it's just how I'm feeling right now :)
My total weight loss this week was 11.8lbs !!!! :D I am so chuffed with myself for managing this, and it makes me even more determined to stick rigidly to the plan this week and avoid the mini-lapses I had this week. Woohoo, excited!! I would love to be able to say this time next week that I've broken the one stone barrier... we shall see!
The photo isn't me by the way, it's just how I'm feeling right now :)
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